Saturday, November 27, 2010

"Coming Out' Part One (1) This For You AJ

I don't plan to Die as a Lie...
A Very Beautiful Day ToDay!!

Hello Jazzlovers,

There will be some interesting recommendations at the end of the blog!!!

I lost a very good friend this week, I don't have the details yet but I did get the news...I had been looking for him for over a year..I mentioned him to my Cuz in an email  a day or so ago, and i got the news from her today...I have mentioned him on my hometown blog and everyone had amnesia..Why you ask? Because  he was a man who loved men! Some have amnesia because of convictions,some because of a guilty Conscience, and some for what ever reason...and all of this is a results of the Environment  we were reared..It is nobodies fault...Please understand that!! It is because people make you live a lie!! And all of our experiences of coming out is very different..The Friend I called today to confirm, is a friend from 1st grade,and has been out since 1st grade,He has also had his challenges... 

There are so many things being said and written about being "Gay"or as my personal choice of terms is A Man who loves Men. But coming out is a life time journey. It is coming to grips with Gods love, in spite of this world,it is a journey into One's is understanding God does not make misstakes. I am speaking only for me! But AJ,s Crossing over really made me think about it..I truly hope he came to grips with it..Because he was a beautiful person... Also one of the best Drum Majors My High Shcool ever had.. " That is what I mean about Amnesia!!!

It is Hell living a life that even those living it, don't understand it. If there are any more letters added to gay life! We would have our own alphabet, LGBT,DL(down low) it only means we are all looking for an Idenitity  and like the fingers on your hand we are all different...

The only time in my life I lived openly as a Man who loves Men,was the 2 years I lived in San Francisco in the Castro. yet how open was that? There are many divisions in the M2M community and even among people who are discimanted against, as a Black man, there was still the age old discriminations. The Castro like Montrose, Throckmorton,The Village, etc are all Ghettos (safe Ghettos) because when you leave the area there are still attitudes..Where ever you go you take your issues with you,,

I hope AJ found what I did....I have finally intergrated myself...1st I am a Man, 2nd I am a Black Man,3rd I am a Man who loves Men, and I self lovingly are all three...I am not confused, nor do I now or ever wished I were a woman,( I love Women though) I don't play a role, (Why is that always the first question/) in bed,When I am with a man I am with a man and those posssibilites are unlimited.. (take a monent to think about that). Don't get me wrong I have gone through some serious confusion in my life about why! That is set in motion early in a society filled with roles, it was very hard to find myself,and I thank this Universe that I did at last.

People make you lie! Not for your comfort but for theirs..But living a double life insults our creator...You can lie to man but you cannot lie to God..

Rest in Peace My dear friend...

To Be continued........There is much more to say about coming out!!!

This post music recommendations:

"Children of The Night" Cassandra Wilson 2003

"The Red Earth" Dee Dee Bridgewater

"The Sea" Rod Mckuen with  Anita Kerr Composer and arranger..

Book Recomendations:

"What Becomes of the Brokenhearted"  E.Lynn Harris  is a must read...

'Just Above My Head"  James Baldwin.. Well Worth reading before it goes out of print...

Jazzlovers This blog is still finding it's voice, it's melody, it's lyrics and it stay with me...

Until next time Jazzlovers..

Keep the beat!

DW Jazzlover..

Monday, November 1, 2010

Nesting and Collecting Nine Months Later

Nine months ago..

A Beautiful day In Bahrain

Hello Jazzlovers,

Those of you following my blog know that I moved to a new flat in March, and this week the last box was unpacked...Most of the time when we move we unpack everything right away.I have always been one of those people who just have to "nest" where ever I am, and I tend to collect...    Minnie Riperton

Aging is amazing!, Life is such an amazing journey...I like nice and unusual things,I like some very tacky art pieces, those with taste, I love color,I like rare things, I love things given to me by friends,and family,that know this about me and give me things that they see that reminds them of me...The amazing thing about this is it is an interesting  photograph of how they see me..It is beautiful because it shows me what of themselves they see in me..   Big Maybelle

The reason I say that aging is amazing is because of the things I have kept with me on all my moves ( I once had storage on three continents) through many countries and places, I am just starting to understand many things,the items you move because you love them, but not the pieces you bought because it was a statement piece or a piece to pull it all together those you put in storage,  I began to understand the next place will be different and you can not replicate the place you are leaving..But as a gypsy I tend to take those items of comfort from each place I live..     Della Reese

My Sisters home  is a home no matter if it is a house, an apartment, really no matter where, it is the most beautiful and warm place. You see my sister like me is a sentimentelist. We value those in our lives that have brought us kindness and joy.. My sister collects those memories,she collects the things the other relatives don't want when their mother, father , brother,sisters,aunts,uncles,passes on into the universe...and these are the very pieces that makes her home a home..When the left behind relatives visit her home they always remember the piece and have a sister also collect these stories...   Esther Phillips

My Sister collects the pieces that just didn't fit any more in, lets say for clarity Aunt Mary's house as she came up in the world and changed the house but always kept certain pieces that you always remember being there as a child. Think back you know what I am talking about..It is the pieces you grew to love those pieces because they didn't fit and they kept you grounded as a child because those pieces let you know Aunt Mary was still Aunt Mary..Think back! These are always the pieces the son, daughter, sister, brother, don't want! "That old thing"and they always gave these peices to my sister..Their rational was that " well you know Eve did come by every day ,week, month, baked,cleaned,sat with, Mama"When we couldn't, didn't,was too busy, so she deserves something...But that was the exact piece my sister treasured..Because when she was sitting, visiting, baking, cleaning, she would alway ask things like "when you redid the house why did you keep that Dresser it does not fit?"... Then she would learn why that piece was so important to Aunt Mary ...She would hear the story...Her home is full of these things,and they look good , it is like all these pieces were waiting for a place to come together..That old dresser that leaned before for some reason now stands straight, and do not look out of place at all!! " Damn Aunt Otavia's sofa looks so good here Eve" " I remember"!!!!is what you hear in my sisters home.. I call my sister the memory keeper..   Gladys Knight

Well Jazzlovers it has taken me Nine and a half months to unpack and go thru all of my movables around the world. Now I am surronded by things that hold  happy memories. It has taken me so long because I stopped at every memory, and it has given me the strength to see all of this so much clearer. So like my sister when I sit in my living room I am surrounded by old friends and just need a few things to pull it all together.. When I visit my sister I visit all my ansecestors,when I sit at home I visit all my old friends, teachers,family,
warm  fuzzies..There is a story behind eveything here..Now that everything is in it's place I am open to falling in love once more..  Esther Phillips

Well Jazzlovers Until Next time...

Keep the beat.